Some of us are approaching our twenties and some are already there.
This is about the time we begin to think about the life we want to have moving forward. This could include careers, grad school, an apartment or house and even marriage and children. While in a new relationship or just dating around, it can be hard to tell if the other individual wants the same things. It’s even harder to know when to ask these questions. The short answer is, ask when you’re comfortable. The long answer is a little more complex.
What if you ask too early?
You can never ask too early. You don’t have to ask them in a way that gives off the desperation vibe. On the second or third date ask nonchalantly, “What is your stance on marriage?” You can even throw in, “Do you plan on having children one day?” These questions don’t suggest that you want to have kids with them or even marry them. You just want to know their position on major topics. In the end, it’s better to find out early on.
What if you ask too late?
Unlike asking too early, it is possible to ask too late. “Don’t fool yourself into thinking that a man who honestly says he doesn’t want children—or doesn’t want any more children—will change his mind,” says Rori Raye, author of Have The Relationship You Want. This theory doesn’t only have to be about having children. This can apply to a man who doesn’t want marriage or a man who just doesn’t have the same goals as you in general. There are of course instances where people do change their minds. Go with your gut, but don’t live in denial.
We women like to think we can “fix” people or change them in some way and that it not always true. Rule number one when you have fixing tendencies: “Don’t fall in love with potential. If you choose to get involved with someone, be sure that you love what they are and not what they could be,” advises blogger GG Renee. We agree wholeheartedly with this statement. If you find out too late that you’re not on the same page as your honey, you’ll need to decide if you can change your stance or if you’re going to end the relationship. If you decide to stay and fight, you’re in for a long battle.
What if I’m the one who doesn’t want children, marriage, etc.?
This is completely okay. You’ll just want to find a partner that feels the same way. According to the Huffington Post, “The number of U.S. adults who are unmarried is now 49%, a record high.” They also stated, “19% of women between the ages of 40-44 have no children, which is almost double the percentage from 30 years ago.” It is becoming more and more common for women to not want these things. Our advice still stands—you can never ask too early and asking too late may cause a problem.
What if I don’t even know what I want?
This one is simple at first. Go with the flow until you know. However, once you know where you stand, find an appropriate time to bring it up. As cliche as this may sound, communication is key.
Feature Photo via Cool Advices
