Sarah Yu | On 14, Oct 2014
In the past, the gender roles in romantic relationships and marriage was heavily emphasized and put on the men. Men initiated and did the romancing and courting, while the women were on the receiving end. Financially, the men were career-driven and the breadwinners, while the women stayed at home and did the household chores.
Now, women are just as ambitious and career-driven as men. They are delaying marriage and putting off having children because they want to have a stable career. But men haven’t changed when it comes to it. In fact, there have progressively been a lot more men staying at home to take care of kids while the women go to work.
In romantic relationships, the women are not afraid to make the first move. But just because there have been increasing instances where the women are more likely to take charge, doesn’t mean the men have backed down at all. There are still many non-married couples where the men pay the tab on the first date or where there’s equal efforts on both sides.
Looking at my first-generation parents, I’ve seen strict gender roles in action and all I’ve witnessed are frustration and deterrence in a relationship. From that I realized that even though gender roles should still exist, there needs to be flexibility.
We spoke to a guy and a gal, both committed, on what their stance on gender roles are and if they’re necessary for a healthy relationship.
Christopher Jenista, 24, believes that for biological reasons, flexible gender roles are necessary.
“In general, men fulfill “manly” roles because they are more physically and psychologically suited to those things and vice versa for women,” he said.
“I think traditional gender roles are good but it’s okay to deviate from them if the relationship works that way.”On the contrary, Desiree Jenks, believes that a healthy relationship is consisted of much more than gender roles.
“Healthy relationships are a partnership that involves equal amounts of effort from both parties in all matters like: income, raising children, keeping the living space livable, etc.,” she said. “An equal amount of effort doesn’t mean that 50/50 rule. It means that each partner is giving it what they can at all times.”
Despite Jenista’s opposing view, his opinion aligns with Jenks, whereas he believes that putting in equal effort isn’t about a set percentage or portion.
“The “work” should end up being half and half but it should happen as a result of the people doing things for the other because they love them not because of some notion of fairness,” he said. “So even if the guy contributes more in one area it would be balanced by the woman contributing more in another. Guys are better than girls at some things and vice versa.”
Though both have different definitions of gender roles in a romantic relationship, there’s one thing I think we can all agree on: we shouldn’t stick or conform to only doing certain things because that’s what society tells us we have to do, based on our gender.
“I think that relationships can be unsuccessful these days when you focus too much on the gender roles we’ve grown up to know,” Jenks said. “I think it all comes down to the effort we put into things involving our relationship.”
While relationships can be healthy with or without gender roles, it all comes down to communication, trust and whatever works for the couple, since every relationship is different. “I think in general it gives a positive effect; I wouldn’t worry about enforcing them though,” Jenista said.
It’s only been a couple of months since I’ve been in a relationship with my wonderful boyfriend, but already, we discuss our stances on gender roles and neither of us want either of us to do something out of obligation for the other, but out of willingness and love.
(Feature Photo via Tumblr)