It’s no secret that we tend to want things more when we can’t have them.
The question of why we want the things we can’t have isn’t the topic of today’s article, but instead why in relationships we pretend to not want the things we desire. Mind boggling, isn’t it?
Psychologically speaking, researchers have found that playing hard to get can increase attraction from the opposite sex.
I get wanting to make someone you’re interested in work for it a little. It can be exciting to dabble in the playing hard to get waters for a moment. But there’s that old Shakespeare saying that goes, “Too much of a good thing…” turns out to be bad.I’ve heard so many people say they dislike being single because they “hate playing the game” or they “suck at dating,” and it drives me insane. There is this stigma of dating that women and men must be “too cool” to have feelings or care about anything.
Why is it that our generation associates vulnerability with weakness? When did it become better to act like you don’t care about someone than risk potentially having a budding relationship? Why does the fear of rejection cause us to shrug off love in exchange for overthinking, anxiety and possibly loss?
Public Service Announcement: Please stop pretending like you don’t care when you do.
I’m no therapist, but I’ve been through the wringer with dating. Through it all, I’ve realized a few life-changing truths. You don’t have to play the game, and you probably “suck at dating” because you are playing a game you can never win.
Being in a relationship doesn’t make you weak or strong, and being single shouldn’t make you feel like a lesser version of yourself.
Feeling excited about liking someone and wanting to see them doesn’t make you an alien. Embrace these feelings. Try to stop thinking about every single detail so much.I’m not saying to declare your love for homeboy after having drinks one time. No, don’t teeter on the verge of looking pathetic. Be powerful. Stop waiting to text him back for 20 minutes for the sake of “being mysterious.” Trying to make him jealous rarely works out in your favor.
Imagine how much more enjoyable dating could be if we eliminated playing hard to get. No more overanalyzing why he hasn’t called you or why she didn’t text back. You could accept that he’s probably just not that into you and move on. I know it sounds too simple, but if you want it to be, it can.
If you decide to play hard to get, make it a lifestyle. Be the girl that is hard to get because you love yourself enough to know what you want and deserve. That’s what will make you the girl worth fighting for, not a silly mind game. And if a man isn’t into what you’re working with, think of it as a blessing in disguise. He wouldn’t have been good for you anyway.
As a new year begins to unfold, I encourage you to stop the nonsense of playing hard to get. Simplify your life and don’t feel bad about knowing what you want. You go girl.
Feature Photo via Daily Mail