Mary Bradley | On 13, Feb 2015
When it comes to love, there is no right or wrong way to do it.
There is no $500 textbook every person buys before enrolling in Catching the Hottie capstone course.
There is simply trial and error, a dash of luck, patience and learning.
But what do you do when you’ve spent 20 years as a single woman?Insert: observation. Here you will find a list of how to navigate the waters of love from someone who never dipped a toe in, but has watched others sink and swim.
The more ultimatums you give, the more you should give them to yourself. If you find yourself putting up with the same things time and time again, take a step back. What is essential in a relationship is the concept of give and take. If you find yourself having to set more and more rules and regulations just to feel a sense of security, there is another problem beneath it all.
Use social media to celebrate your love, not to prove it. Your friends should never be disappointed in your happiness, but there are few things that can force someone to click unfollow or mute. If you find the need to post relationship pictures every day, ask yourself why. There’s a reason Time Magazine called the younger generation the “me me me” generation.
Acknowledge your friends’ opinions. If you’re almost a year into your relationship and your friends refuse to go to dinner with you two, it’s a sign there should be some analysis of the situation. While your friends’ opinions matter, don’t forget that you’re half of the relationship too.
Communicate often. If your partner has had issues in the past of being secondhand to a loved one, don’t go several days without shooting them a message or giving them a call. We all know how glamorous a busy schedule is, but a small “good morning, I hope you have a good day,” can go a long way.
Your happiness belongs to you. There’s a quote that floats around the Internet attributed to Lana Del Rey that states, “When someone else’s happiness is your happiness, that is love.” I’m going to emphasize the point that she’s making here because I believe it is true. Having the ability to make someone else happy, thus making yourself happy, is key. But do not allow someone to be in complete control of your happiness. You are your own person. You were born alone and you will die alone. (Sorry for the morbid thought). So, do not lose your own individual ability to control and dictate the way you feel every day. When you do that, what do you have left?
Respect the opinions of the one you love. If your significant other does not like that you favorite and retweet Lady Boners or Hot Girls Daily, respect their request. However, this idea can extend past Twitter. Say, for example, that your boyfriend or girlfriend had a terrible experience with oral sex. Do not force them to move past it. Instead, be a support system and be able to (or try your best to) understand where they are coming from.
End relationships on a classy note. What makes 2015 + ending relationships = mess? One vital thing: the constant flood of information. Breaking up is hard to do. We know. Everyone knows. But someone you have dedicated moments of your life to deserves at least a slight amount of dignity in the end. Rather than being hasty and unfriending them on Facebook, untagging all of the photos and unfollowing them on Twitter, put down your phone for awhile or hit the mute button. Few things hurt more than being forced into an abrupt nonexistence while losing someone you cared about.
Don’t always expect the big things. Focus on the little things. Instead of demanding flowers or expensive dates, celebrate the small victories. Just because a display of love is small does not mean it is invaluable. Smile when she dedicates you as her #mcm. She was thinking of how much she loves you, after all. Keep and reread the handwritten letter he sent you. Would you have preferred a text message?
Don’t forget there are people around you. Sometimes the whirlwind of seeing that face again can make your peripherals go blind. You could unintentionally hurt someone without even thinking about it. At the end of the day, be aware of your actions and how they affect people.
Enjoy every moment you have. This one doesn’t deserve much of an explanation other than sometimes these moments can exist away from your loved one. Regardless, love those moments of me-time just as much as moments of intense, cuddlebug Netflix sessions. You matter. Your partner matters. And don’t forget: love yourself as equally and intensely as you love them.
Feature Photo via Thought Catalog