Our anonymous dating advice columnist is back! This time he’s helping Ciara sort through her guy situation.
Hey Drew,
Thanks for reading my dilemma! Basically, I’ve been friends with this guy for the past five months. We are really close. We talk almost every day and are always in contact online on social media.
We’re always chatting on Facebook, we’re Snapchat besties and we text. We are always flirting–with a lot of sexual innuendo under many messages, but I always thought of it as joking. Like we’ve agreed to a mock wedding arrangement if we’re both single in 10 years time! Jokingly of course!I suppose I’ve always thought of him as a friend and haven’t been attracted to him in that way until recently. We get along really well and seem to get each other. We were out at a club recently with a group of friends and we were very close. Hand holding, hugging..he even initiated leaving the group so we could be alone together. He was all over me, tried to kiss me but I wouldn’t kiss him though because I wasn’t fully sure was he that sober. I didn’t want him to regret it afterwards. Now I’m feeling things I never felt before for him.
I don’t know what to do! Am I only wasting my time? Should I not sacrifice our friendship?
Thanks a million,
Ciara
Dear Ciara,
First off, let me be bold: Your friend, wherever he may be on the wide, magical and sometimes cruel scale of relationships, is somewhere on the “more than just friends” portion of that scale.
The first thing to consider is whether or not he keeps this kind of contact with anyone else.
If he is, then I’d say he might be what some would call a “player.” However, from my experience, he probably isn’t. If he doesn’t, that means he is concentrating a lot of his precious time on you and just you. If he didn’t like talking to you and being around you most, he definitely wouldn’t do that.Maybe he wasn’t sober when he was trying to kiss you and if he wasn’t then you did the right thing, but maybe the sauce just gave him the courage to do what he had wanted to do for a time, however sloppy the attempt may have been. It is definitely true that sometimes being intoxicated can make a person do things they would never think about doing sober (believe me; I know…), but I think a lot of the time it just gives an excuse to do what they really want to but may not get by with doing sober and also gives them the guts to go for it.
The next thing to consider is how he is feeling about your current relationship. Flirting with a lot of sexual innuendo can easily lead someone on, but he seems unconcerned about that. Maybe he was sober during that night at the club. Maybe that gave him the perfect excuse to go for it (although he probably should have went for the ole slow, romance-movie kiss). A man and a woman can have a perfectly normal relationship as just friends, but often it is very easy for either side of the relationship to develop romantic feelings for the other. I’ve been on the romantic-feelings side many times myself and not always, but most of the time, I actually found out it was mutual. However, sometimes I found out too late. That is why I recommend you don’t wait too long on this, like I did. Otherwise, he could start to think you’re not interested and move on.
In conclusion, I don’t think you are wasting your time. There may be somewhat of a risk in damaging your relationship by pursuing him romantically, but should you risk sacrificing what your relationship could be? There is even the possibility that not pursuing him could put a roadblock (that may already exist to a degree) in your relationship going any further, which could ultimately damage your relationship.
Thanks for writing! Best of luck!
Drew
drew@pinkandblack-magazine.com
